previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I thought he was like human-sized.
I thought it was just like a big person.
Like little Dalek or whatever they are.
I just feel like it's maybe meant to be.
Well, you could just say, sounds cool, let's do it.
It doesn't always have to be like a Destiny thing.
Well, it's my De-
Yeah, okay, I see.
It's Destiny to go over Roblox's ass.
You're looking down through this portal at the Earth from space.
Hold on, I'm not shook.
I think, I don't even know these are portals.
They could just be pretty pictures.
Hey, then you're not shook.
I'm not shooketh.
Can't shakeeth me.
Hey, Moot, you're shooketh.
I'm shook.
Alright.
Sky has got Moot shook.
With its...
Ugh, lost it already.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Flashback, flashback, flashback.
I'm your dungeon master, Russ More.
He, him, also with me today is Tom Laird.
Hey, that's me, he, him.
I am playing Moot.
He also goes by he, him.
And, Damey More.
Oh, it sounded like Damey More, and I would now like to be called Dame Amy More.
Dame Amy More.
Yes, and I play she, her, and I play Sullivan Sleight.
He, him.
And, Carla Maxx did.
She, her, playing Glim, also she, her.
Welcome to part two of our one-shot.
We know how to play games.
That's the true Dungeons way.
What you didn't think was important, we thought was entirely, like, essential.
We hope you enjoyed it.
Well, I mean, you're still here, so you must have enjoyed the first part.
And so we'll keep it, we'll keep it rolling here.
They're here going, like, I wonder when they're gonna start playing.
When are they gonna get to the fireworks factory?
They figured it out in the first ten minutes.
Where's the rave?
There better be a fucking rave in here.
But because this is a flashback, and because it's a regular episode,
and because you've joined us on Patreon, maybe?
Patreon.com slash dumpdragoncast.
We'd love for you to come join us over there.
When you are a patron, you get an episode dedicated to you, like today's patron,
Jordan Kempf.
Thanks, Jordan.
I really thought there was gonna be more to your last name.
Also, I'm sorry about the way Russ said that.
It seemed like...
Yeah, I wasn't laughing at your name, I was laughing at Russ' way he said it.
No, I'm not saying you mispronounced it.
I'm just saying you...
And, like, you were gonna try to add more to it.
Yeah, well, I was just drawing out the obviously most important letter for emphasis.
Yes.
You are awesome. Thank you so much for being a patron.
Yes, Jordan, you are great.
Join us today at Patreon.com slash dumpdragoncast.
Now fuck it, let's play!
Existential crisis!
Existential crisis! Space! Space!
Butt monsters!
What?
No, while you went up the butt of a machine monster.
We are in turn the butt monsters of this story.
Absolutely the butt monsters.
If that confused you because it wasn't an accurate retelling of what happened, go back and listen to the episode.
Or if you didn't listen to part one, yeah.
Then it really doesn't make sense.
But we are the butt monsters.
Thank you very much.
This is all canonical, too.
Credit where credit is due.
They were named the Destiny's Children or Destiny's Children, now the butt monsters.
I like it.
Saviors of the world!
So we're on the fourth floor now.
We're on fourth floor, ding!
Fourth floor, space and unfinished projects.
Can I touch stuff?
I just want to, is there any, let me see.
Don't you want to just take?
I mean I don't see any signs that say don't touch.
I kind of just want to put something in a...
I'm just going to watch through this door here.
You want to take stuff?
No, I want to put something through the, through, I want to...
You still almost said it's a butt!
I, no...
Portal is just an anus to another place.
Oh, I mean, okay, well then I guess
I want to put something
through the anus to another place.
Okay.
Let's do it. What are we putting through the anus to another place?
Get it together, Hillip.
This is for science.
Okay, hold on. Remember, like, just moments ago
we were like, we should probably just blow right past this
because we're at the very beginning of what is this.
Nope, can't.
No!
Because those were the coherent thoughts of people
in Dumbgeons Downtime.
That's right.
Now we're playing the game.
Now we're playing and it's time to make weird decisions.
Welcome to our TED Talk on how to turn a one-shot
into four episodes.
Sully hands glim a wrench.
Yeah, this is like really big and I think would have
like a very satisfying heave to it
as you throw it through the hole.
Yeah, go ahead and yeet that on through.
Yeet it through the anus.
So I'm going to
put it not to the one
looking at the planet, but the one that's just looking
at the sky.
Because there's two, right?
Anything you put through this portal magnifies
by like 100,000.
You actually ended up hurdling
an enormous wrench into
the planet.
What if it was small?
I don't know the physics of
Faerun.
It gains
some sort of speed.
It becomes some sort of
like...
Russ is losing it.
This is the quickest conclusion to a two-part one-shot.
I kill the whole population of the entire
planet.
It's a massive station.
It's a real butterfly effect we got going on here.
Okay, yeah.
It goes through the anus.
Does it feel satisfying?
Does it make a noise?
Guys, that's not the sound
I expected.
When Merv
was pulled through the portal
and sucked through it, it didn't make that noise.
Oh, that was
delayed.
That was wet.
It felt good throwing the wrench,
but everything else that happened
I didn't like at all.
I'm not going to do it then.
I'll pass. I saw you do it.
It's fine.
How many more things can we throw?
I think we should just maybe go.
I hate it.
My mesophonia is affected
only by portal sounds.
Wet portal sounds.
Who knew?
There's a ladder and maybe some kind of...
Don't throw the ladder!
I'm not going to just throw the ladder.
It looks like the ladder goes up and down
and then there's this little box beside it
and it has this open door and it's got a button inside.
Guys, I want to press the button.
It's got an up arrow and a down arrow.
I'm going to press it.
I want to...
Fuck this guy.
I see Hilla already
Pressing the button.
Are you going in?
No, we're watching you.
You press the up arrow.
You see the light kind of go through?
See, I thought this was a ladder.
This is a...
There's a ladder beside it, I think?
Oh.
I'll take the fucking ladder.
God damn Hilla taking the
stupid upside down machine.
God damn it.
Hey guys! It's pretty cool up here.
Some cloud tubes?
Uh...
Looks like some buttons.
I know we didn't talk about it, but I assumed
we'd all just kind of be quiet.
Yeah, he's screaming an awful lot.
There's nobody up here!
I figured I was okay.
I mean, it's even worse if his yelling is that loud
and his hearing is that sensitive
that he can hear this conversation we're having.
A floor below him.
He must deafen himself on the daily.
I mean, that explains all the yelling.
Is it like one of those whisper chambers
where like you can hear from across the room?
Right.
I'm gonna press some buttons if you don't get up here soon!
We're climbing up the ladder,
Hilla, shh.
You enter into a new chamber,
slightly smaller.
I come over and I slap Hilla.
Why?
Stop pressing buttons.
I didn't press them yet, I said I was about to start.
No, you press the one down there.
When you say I wanted to press it and you press it first,
I will slap you again.
Listen to the playback, I'm pretty sure I said it first.
He slaps Hilla again.
Stop it. You go sit over there.
Don't touch anything.
This room is a little bit smaller than the last
and in this chamber
are glass tubes
that extend from the floor to the ceiling.
Each has a glass door on it
and inside is this sickly green
swirling cloud in the chamber.
Do they seem like,
floor to ceiling?
Do they seem to be going through the ceiling
or stopping at the ceiling?
Presumably at the ceiling from what you can tell.
Have they been making any sound?
Are there any plaques that we could read?
Ooh, yes.
No informative plaques.
This is a terrible museum.
Not on this floor that you can find.
Okay, so I got two series.
Okay, there.
One, this is the cure
for this pink stuff.
Number two,
it's poisonous.
We might all die.
Yeah, it seems...
Yeah, green is usually
bad.
I don't know. Green means go.
That's true.
But green when it's like medicine
is like, ooh, don't take that medicine.
But trees and grass,
those things are green and they're like the best.
But infections, right?
Remember that paper cut you got,
and it was all posse and green and gross?
Oh, yeah, sure, yeah.
Maybe we just see
what's on the next floor?
Maybe let's just keep going.
I sprint into the elevator.
You take the ladder, you son of a bitch,
and I press the button,
and I do leave Moot and Glenn behind.
I'm so sorry.
So, should we
go down and check out the down?
No, and I go up.
Oh, okay, yeah.
Cool, cool, cool, cool.
It's fine.
Sully, you were the first.
These doors part and
you are now on the floor
that had the lights that were
visible from outside.
Inside, you see
slow moving
energy blasts.
Fire, some ice,
some weird
purple-y color, and
on either side of this chamber
are two people
who seem to be
just slow
motion. I don't know what the frames
per second is, but it's that
kind of slow, and their spells
that they appear to be casting out of
their wands appear to be
leaving them at an
equally slow pace.
If you were to roll
an investigation or perception check,
as Moot and Glenn
are the first ones up the ladders,
you now see this as well.
Yeah, you're all in about
the same ballpark.
You perceive,
after watching a little while,
and your trigonometry skills,
as good as they are, that these
spells are traveling
at approximately a foot
every twelve hours.
So there are
numerous spells
that have been cast that are just
moving through the
chamber towards the opposite person
on the other side, and the
wizards seem to be locked in this weird
time
fuckery.
But you, yourselves, appear
to be moving at the regular speed, because that
would just make this a long adventure.
And we wouldn't want that.
No, time fuckery.
Russ is the biggest boner right now.
Do we recognize
either of these wizards?
Good question.
Make a history check.
Wow, this dice
has rolled nothing but shit for me.
Four.
Four do it.
Fourteen. Let's go fourteen.
Glenn, you did your research before you
left, which is not unusual,
but perhaps Moot would have
normally done it in another life.
One of them,
the one to your
left, we'll say, looks like
the Magi Bonvai,
the one and only, the one
who
is perhaps the
known magician
wizard of the area.
At least the one that has that robot.
Or no, the robot.
The town's named after him, right?
And the robot birds.
Yep, the one
and only. And the other one on the other side?
Not familiar.
What do they look like?
What's their general vibe?
Where did they come from?
Where did they go?
Where did they come from?
Looks
to be...
I'm so mad you got that song in my head, Tom.
That is
100% about a sexually
transmitted infection, yes.
I mean, sure.
The song behaves like one.
Yes, exactly.
Alright,
general vibe of the one you don't
recognize. Looks to be
human or humanoid.
More human
than anything else.
Dressed in
rather unusual
attire, more
like clean cut, very
greys, very shiny
fabrics.
Seems out of place for the
world that you are in and
things that you have seen.
Well, this looks like not like a
really time sensitive
problem. That's a great
point. Should we keep going up
to see if there's something else that is like
more like pink,
like if there's like a big
plug we could pull and all the
pink goo would drain or something?
That would be good. You guys want to get in the elevator
this time? These guys look like,
you know, like they'll be
here for a minute. For a
minute, yeah. Yeah, I want
to ride in it. Sure.
Oh, it's nice. You don't have to do anything.
Oh,
well, I'll try it. You could do
squats while you're in it. Oh, you're
right.
Phillip,
you want to come along?
Um, hmm.
I don't want to leave you in here with these
guys. I don't know what you're going to do.
You see him, he's holding
this large, like,
gray, like, plate
almost.
He was walking over to the spells
being like, I could maybe like redirect
the spells. You don't know what
the spells are. But if you like
angle them and push them.
And then say like, let's
say you wait there for like, what, 12
hours.
Presumably, yes. And then it just
blasts through it.
Yes.
Or you reposition it and
it points like out into the world.
And hits a baby.
Oh, I don't want to hit a baby.
No, sorry, I will reposition
the one spell that I already
moved when you were talking about others.
That baby's petting a puppy. How could you even?
Well,
unacceptable. Sorry,
guys. Listen, if you're going to be part
of the group, we talk things out.
Well, okay, let's talk it through.
What if we- We like to make a really good
plan and then follow through on it.
Especially when we have 12 hours. That's our main thing.
That is one thing that I wrote down
from the three of you is that you always make
plans and you always know
exactly what to do when you are going
into a situation not uncertain
in any way, shape, or form.
You are correct in all of
those statements. I'm in the elevator.
Let's go check it. What, we got two more floors
to look at?
I think it's just one above us.
Just a one? Okay.
Okay.
It's weird you're making those sound effects.
Oh, you've added music.
Well, it seems like a very quiet
dead space without some music.
Isn't it weird we're all just choosing
to just stare at the back of this door
and not make eye contact with each other?
I'm doing squats.
What?
It's not okay.
That was a small space.
Sorry, everybody. Sorry.
I was squatting when you did that.
Well, it was Glim. She was squatting
and one snuck out of her keys.
Did you just blame your fart on Glim?
I didn't blame my fart on Glim.
I blamed Glim's fart on Glim.
Wow.
Luke doesn't say anything in five
minutes. Wow.
Wow.
We thought more highly of you than
that, Hilla.
The doors part open.
The gas releases.
That's what was in those green
cylinders.
You enter into yet a slightly smaller
room, this one approximately
30 feet across.
It looks like it could be described
as a library. There's many shelves.
There's books all over. In the center of
this chamber,
there is a pedestal with a
green glowing
stone.
Sully looks at
Hilla and goes, don't.
I will put my hands in my pockets.
Goodness. Somebody watch
him. Won't touch it.
Is there a
plaque?
Yeah, there's a plaque right
here. Is there maybe like a
tourist information kiosk?
Sure. I can grab some literature.
Is there someone just standing ready to take me on a
tour of this place? My name is
Hilla. I will read you the plaque that is below
this big stone. With your
hands in your pockets. With my hands in
my pockets. I will gesture with my
elbows. I was going to say
one hand.
One hand in my pocket
and the other one on the cosmic
stone. No, I won't put it on the
cosmic stone.
I got swept away. This is the cosmic
stone. You should have yeeted him through that portal.
If you touch it, you become aware
of
the cosmos.
Now, how many
dots were written
down in that?
So that was that much of a pause.
Is there a couple? It was
like an ellipsis followed by an ellipsis
followed by an ellipsis.
Okay. That's three ellipses.
So I felt appropriate to say
the Oz.
Can you read it one more time? The
cosmic stone.
If you touch
it,
if you touch it, you will
be aware of
the cosmos.
It seems kind of vague. Now, did you say
beware or be aware
of? Be
aware.
A-W-A-R-E.
Be aware. Beware.
I think it's important to be aware
of stuff. Be aware of the
cosmos. Yeah, seems like we should touch it.
Now, hold on a second.
What is the cosmos?
Because I once,
I don't know if it's the same thing, but I
once had a cosmos.
Yeah? And
then I woke up
in the, you
know, in the parking lot of a church.
So maybe you already have awareness
of the cosmos? Maybe.
I don't know. Or you don't really
remember. Well, I mean, I don't really
remember, so I guess I'm not that aware, but
I'm not sure it's the same thing.
As I've read the plaque, I don't know any
other information. I don't know. My
next step is to just kind of like let
Hillop do what he wants
to do.
Bold choice, but let's see where this
goes. Hillop, you want to touch your stone?
Well, of course I want to touch your stone,
but you told me to put my hands in my pockets. Well, I mean
I did, but now I'm saying you could take your
hands out of your pockets. You did an excellent
job of reading the plaque. You
should give yourself a round of applause.
Okay.
Okay, now nobody
is going to supervise you.
Nobody is going to supervise me. Nobody is going to supervise you.
We're just going to
fade into the background here and
look at the rest of this room.
Look at some of these books.
You said library, so I'm assuming
just walls covered in books.
Standard library. Is there one of those
really big ladders like you wanted to
have in our kitchen so I could reach stuff?
Yeah, absolutely.
Like that rolls around.
Amazing.
So the camera doesn't leave Hillop, but you
through dispersed through the library, looking
at books, checking out names, seeing things.
Riding on that ladder. Portals.
Really just anuses to another
place.
That old chestnut. Very popular
book. Different journals and spell
books and that sort of thing.
But the camera still hasn't left Hillop and he
is looking side to side
trying to figure out if anybody is actually
going to let him do
what he wants. And you see his hand slowly
raised towards the cosmic
stone that he described off the plaque
and it makes contact with
the cosmic stone and his eyes
roll back in his head.
And if anybody is watching, which you're
probably all actually watching him.
I was like perusing a shelf,
but paying very close attention
to what was going on. I have a book
open that is called portal
the extra hole you didn't know
you needed.
It's upside down.
Eyes roll back in his head and he begins
like vibrating.
And he seems to be stuck in place there.
Should we take him off that stone?
Hillop?
How you doing bud?
And speaking in this weird,
it sounds like gibberish. It's mumbling.
Can you give us an example
of what that was like?
It seems fine to me.
I know, it's normal.
Okay,
he should pull him off.
Is that the internal alarm that happened?
I'm going to try and pull him away from
the stone. Yeah, you pull him
off, he stops immediately as soon
as his hand's not in contact
with the cosmic stone. How you doing buddy?
It seems
I saw
Where are we now?
We're in the tower in the middle
of the pink goo. The robots
out there, there are two
slow wizards down
there. Seems like 18
lives ago.
I've seen all the corners
of the world. I've seen
I know things
now. Cool.
Like how to get rid of the pink goo?
Yeah, we close the door.
What door?
There's a door
at the bottom floor.
And we close the door.
Close the door. Okay.
Okay.
And what about the wizard,
slow motion wizard guys? Should we
like help them or close the door?
It's a Magi
Bonvay who runs
the establishment and then there's the
inhumanist who is
his arch nemesis
so to speak
for the Magi Bonvay. Did he make the
goo? He
contributed to the goo being
released and then they were locked
in time
and then
trying to
shoot each other. It's been going on for
quite some time.
What if we put that
inhumanist into a bag?
You want to put the inhumanist into
a bag?
What kind of bag? Well, probably
like a potato sack or something like that.
Yeah, like a burlap sack of sorts.
And put things into a potato sack.
Okay. And just like put them
somewhere else? Sure.
Put them into a potato sack. That seems
fine.
Is this Russ or Hilla talking?
Yeah, put them in a potato sack.
Yeah, sure. Yeah, totally.
I mean, you do you, Sully.
I have the wealth
of knowledge of the cosmos now.
Oh, gosh. Are you going to be all high
and mighty about it? Well,
I mean, I touched the cosmic stone.
I am imparted with the information.
I am probably now... Wait, if I go touch the cosmic
stone, then you're not the only person.
Okay, go touch the cosmic stone. Well, no, I don't want
to. It looked painful what you did.
It's just like a dump
of information into your brain
all at once. I don't want the cosmos
to take a dump on me. Well,
it's not on you. It's in your brain.
I don't want a dump in me. That sounds much worse.
I think that's worse.
Should we just go to the bottom floor and close the door and
deal with the goo situation? Yes, one thing
at a time. And then the two slo-mos.
We can figure out
what we're going to do with those guys.
We'll deal with them later.
Okay. Yeah, sure.
I don't like this, Hillop. How do we
turn him back?
I boop him on the nose.
Boop. Does that
make you feel better? Does it make you feel
better? What do you think
about baguettes? Baguettes are a
delightful baked good. Would you do
just about anything for one?
Well, I mean... What about Zumba?
You like Zumba? Well, hey, Zumba
is a money-making opportunity,
but when you have the world
of knowledge of the cosmos at your
hands, do you really need the... Oh,
gosh. The bees knees of... Glim?
He was only in it for the money.
Well...
He just said it was a money-making opportunity
and I thought it was a whole spiritual thing.
You know what? Let's deal with the pink goo.
I can't
get them conflicted.
Everybody's back in the elevator.
Mm-hmm. Let's go to the
basement. Find the pink goo
door.
So all the cosmic
knowledge you're still humming
in the elevator, huh?
Makes people feel more comfortable.
It doesn't. No.
Weirdly. Actually.
That's what I'm still doing yet.
I
should have just taken the ladder.
You know I don't like just...
You could have slid down that thing like a badass.
You know how you do your hands and your feet on either side
and you just go, whoa, all the way down.
Have you guys seen this new vacation form from HR?
Like, when are we even supposed to fill out?
Yeah, sure, but you know what just occurred
to me is that I now know
what earn your keep
means, because you know like when you
get a keep inside of a city,
when you're like... Right?
You earn your keep.
You guys. Oh.
Right?
It never cuts me, where it's like,
earn your keep, earn your keep, and then she like gave us
a keep, right? And she's like, this is where
you guys live now.
But then also do this shit for me, right?
Huh. I guess I always
thought it was like earn the keeping
of you, like the tending and caring
of you, like you have to earn
basic, you know, like...
How back-ass-wards is that though,
right? Like, I mean, someone should just take care
of you. We are peoples.
Yeah, everyone should just
you know, be taken care of
to a basic level.
Sitting on a river
boat in the middle
Saying something problematic
Oh no.
The people are waiting
to hang because
I started playing David
Wilcox
Did you hang out with us
No, stop. No one likes this either, Russ.
Anytime, anytime.
I'm sorry that I...
I'm sorry that I egged...
I egged that on, you guys.
I apologize. You should be.
I'm 100% responsible for that.
So a little hit to our good
Canadian content of David
Wilcox, which will be showing up in a Spotify playlist
somewhere of the best Canadian
song used. Good stuff.
Look, okay?
Everyone has opinions and that's awesome.
It may not be good,
but you know what is good?
What?
Our Facing Fate podcast.
Oh yeah, that's good.
That's a lot better than David Wilcox.
100%. You're going to enjoy it
so much more than if you listen to David Wilcox.
That's right. If you hated what just happened,
you're going to love the podcast.
Let me tell you.
This is great.
Yeah, we have a new season of Facing Fate.
It is Facing Fate, Cthulhu
Season 2.
Electric Boogaloo
is the subtitle.
Which is wildly inappropriate once you
start listening to it.
It doesn't quite fit.
We're still grasping the concept of theme.
We're not good at naming
things. It's kind of our thing.
There is going to be a new episode
every week, all month, because it's
spooky season and there's
scary eldritch horrors
coming for you.
Maybe.
Or are we just marking papers?
That's definitely how
the first episode starts. So if you haven't
listened to it, please do.
Because it gets better than just marking
papers. It does get better than marking papers.
The hook, the cliff
hanger that we leave you on,
that's how it does it.
That's the noise you're going to make when you listen to it.
I love it. Like Carla said,
every week up until Halloween
when the dramatic finale
arrives.
And then that means we've got to get planning on a new season
everybody. So let's get down to business.
Did we mention Kyle Claset's
in it? From The Bombarded?
And also this show?
He's a long time
permanent cast member, Kyle Claset.
He moved in and was just like, well I'm here for the record
so we're doing it. Can one be a squatter
in an audio medium?
Except that I feel like we forced
him to do it so is that...
Have we kidnapped Kyle?
No, I keep paying him.
It's fine.
As long as money
exchanges hands, it's fine.
Because I thought maybe we had some sort of
Stockholm syndrome going on where he just
thinks. I feel like that could
be a part of it.
We've derailed a little bit.
But truly, please listen to
Facing Fate because it's really good
and
we work really hard on it. It's our award winning podcast.
Russ particularly works
very hard on it and makes it sound
incredible and has literally won awards
and we would really like people to listen to it.
Please.
Thank you.
Now back to this episode where we're
figuring out Pink Goop.
I mean
really that describes a lot of our episodes.
I mean, be a little more
specific for us. Show notes every time.
Goodbye everybody! Bye!
After
the long
proceeding opens
onto a grand hall
with a massive archway.
A brass
canister and portal
exudes the pink slime
that is pouring forth from it.
There's a lid
propped up off and to the
side.
Hey Mo, you want to just screw that lid back on?
Sure, I'll give it a shot.
Maybe use your
claw hand.
Yeah, don't, don't, don't
touch the pink slime. Yeah, we could get some on you.
Yuck. How good are
crab claws? Oh, he's
quite dextrous. I've seen him.
I've been practicing a lot
with it. Okay, okay.
I feel like it'd be pretty good. It's like
a pincer to close a
thing. It's almost like a wrench like you threw into
the portal. Yeah. This is something
that the cosmic stone did not impart upon
me, so once we know this,
if it will work with a crab claw,
I feel like I know everything.
Will you then pop out of existence
because there's no life left
to live? We will find
out. Oh god, Mo, do it.
I'm just breathing in. Do it.
He's really excited. Alright, yeah, I'll give it
a try. You know what we haven't been rolling for
is wild magic searches, so like
roll four of them. Four?
Okay. Well, you did, well, hold on,
you did, you did two produce flames.
You did two
mage hands, so four
of them. Okay. Yeah.
Oh, I'm so excited. Me too.
What's gonna fuck up our situation
right now when we are like five minutes from
completion? We're so close. Is it gonna be
thinking about your to-do list?
One of them was a three.
So let's, let's fire
some shit up.
Alrighty then.
Okay, now just think baseball. Baseball.
Your grandma. Because I want to make it
last.
Yes?
I lost my metaphor.
Ninety. Ninety?
Ninety.
Shit.
Mage hand goes, you see the mage hand
doing its business,
and it's working.
Prefers
to keep it private usually, but
it's making exception this time.
Wow. It's working.
Moot,
you're feeling good about it, and you
see...
It's working, it's working,
you're feeling good about it.
I'm feeling real good.
Everybody's drawn over to
Hillup who sees this too, and he
begins to go, his eyes roll back,
and he begins to mumble again.
Jesus,
what are we watching?
And then
everybody else looks back to,
well not only Hillup, but Moot's gone.
Oh. Hey,
what? Okay, hold on.
He was like just right...
Moot?
Moot, I don't...
Did Hillup somehow vanish him out of existence?
Cause he gained all the...
I'm gonna, hold on.
I'm gonna... And I yell into the portal.
Moot?
Buddy, I'll get you back
just like I got Moof. It's okay.
You know, I did some
shady stuff, but
I'll do shadier for you, man.
I will, cause we're like brothers.
And I
was the one who was like, you wanna just put
it back on?
And now, I just,
you weren't even, you were putting
that, you were doing it, man. And then like
Hillup got all weird over here, so I'm pretty sure
it's 90% his fault, and now I'm just
talking to a portal.
So Moot's invisible.
He can hear you, but you can't
hear him. So what's Moot
doing at this moment as Sully is...
I'm pouring my heart out.
Moot is trying to keep
up with like the notes
as to what Sully is saying to him,
but the emotion
is pouring out of him so fast
that he can't keep up.
Something you have to just experience and just
be in the moment for.
The lid to this canister
is put back on, and you see
the pink goo,
the pink slime
stop flowing out of it.
And even begins to
like soak into the ground
and begins to slowly disappear.
There's a lot of it, so that takes
quite a while.
After approximately
a minute, Moot
pops back in right over Sully as
he's weeping
at the loss of his friend.
And I promise I'll never
make fun of you.
Welcome.
I was so sad.
I wanna roll like a grapple roll for a hug,
Russ.
One aggressive hug.
Roll plus strength.
Sully can be a little slippery.
It's true, yeah, you really gotta.
That is a 12.
Hold on, I wanna roll against his hug to see if I get on top.
Three.
Minus one.
The minus one
is really just the insult, isn't it?
While that didn't hit his armor class, I don't feel like he's trying
to evade you, so I think it worked.
We wrestle into
the biggest hug.
That's embarrassing.
I knew you could hear me
the whole time.
It was super sweet regardless.
I just want you to not feel
like you were alone or
disappeared, or that if
Hillop did that to you,
I probably would have killed him.
I think that you would have killed
Hillop for sure.
I just need an excuse, man.
Russ, did Hillop show back up?
He hasn't disappeared.
He kind of just passed out on the ground.
I thought he had also
disappeared.
He went back into that trance state that you
saw when he touched the cosmic.
It's now just
body fall on the ground.
So did
Moot close the thing?
Successfully, yes.
Isn't that kind of weird? Look at it all
soaking into the ground, but when
we took that little bit off,
and it was on the stick, it didn't soak
into the ground? How odd is that?
Did we just not wait long enough?
Or maybe there wasn't enough of it to really
have the soaking effect?
The weight of it is likely pushing it
because of the gravity and
stuff.
I used to be a gravitologist.
We came up
with this drug called Gravol.
What did it do?
It increased
how heavy you
were.
Yeah, it was really just a bunch of
it was just a big carbohydrate pill.
You'd really like that. Good for
carbolodine before
I would love that before a big
adventure like. Do we just kind of continue talking as we exit
this building and leave Hill up there?
How is this?
I guess
what do you want to do next?
Do you want to go put the guy in the bag?
Oh, right.
We're walking towards
and we just leave them there to fight for eternity.
It's fine.
Oh, hey guys.
What's happening?
Where are we?
Oh, God. Hit this again.
You got this.
This is a new room center.
We were in the library and now we're down
here.
Now we're down here and
Moot closed the thing.
The like pink goo
Yeah, the goo dispenser.
There's a goo dispenser?
You're the one you told us about.
You're the one that told us.
I did?
That sounds really smart of me.
What about the two battling wizards?
What about the two?
Yeah, we saw the two battling
wizards. I was going
to deflect. Right. Okay, so
just one question. If you had
to put your
knowledge of the whole universe
on a scale of
Pilip to a really, really
smart person, where would
you put that?
Pilip is a really, really smart
person so that's like a linear
He's like leaked out to him or something.
It's like a linear motion.
The pink goo was
Okay, it's nice to have
you back. Yeah, into the elevator.
Go on. It's good to be back. Alright.
Back into the elevator. Here we go.
So when you
say you're on a shoestring
budget
does that mean
you can only buy shoestrings?
I don't know
what else
that could
I mean there's those
really skinny french fries but that can't be
related.
Shoestring
budget
Which floor are we going to?
Which floor are we going to, hey?
Oh, it's up a little bit.
Back to 6 where
the wizards were I think.
So is it
I mean I really don't even know
context clues are not helping in this one.
Maybe you can only buy shoestrings
or you gotta sell your shoestrings
because that was like a hot commodity
so if you're on a shoestring budget
it's like oh I gotta sell my shoelaces.
And I mean, are we
That's why I was just going to say are we assuming
shoestrings are shoelaces?
Because shoestrings would be a weird
way of saying that.
I can help with that. Your friendly neighborhood
encyclopedia.
Though this is
a little passage here.
Shoestring to a small amount of money.
Wow.
Shit son.
Should we like separate these jabronis
and just like I don't know.
What do we do with them? You told me not to deflect
their magics. How do we stop the
magics and then
Maybe we put one of them through the portal.
Wow.
Like there was a portal to space.
This one seems like he has space boots
on. Maybe he would
I mean he does have like a space kind of
look but
I guess morally I
just don't know which one's the good guy and which
one's the bad guy. If I slapped him would it take
12 hours for him to feel the sting
in my hand? Probably.
That seems like how
time works. I
want to investigate this room and see like is there
something that has slowed them down?
Sort of like I don't know
time testicles. And like
they're twisted. Yep.
Sounds about right.
Carla's laughing.
You laugh every time. Guys I'm not
laughing at my own joke. I'm laughing at Carla
laughing at my joke.
The testicular torsion of the
time testicles. That's right. It happens.
It's a thing. Yeah. Just hanging
in the center of the room there are two
ovular
balls hanging
from the center of the ceiling
and they appear to be contorted.
In a fleshy kind of sack. Yeah.
It's veiny and fleshy and they
appear to be interwoven
in an uncomfortable way that
maybe should probably be dealt with
see a doctor. Not
not what we're about
to do. Yeah. I mean I
don't want to touch him but also I'm super
short. I'll say it.
I know we'd all been thinking it.
I am shorter than the
average. Yes even more so than
Moot when he lost those seven inches.
Moot I hate to ask
because I feel like we've really depended
on you a number of times
in the last you know 30
to 40 minutes but do you
think that your claw could untwist
the testicular
time torsion or
is that possible? I mean
I say we give it a shot. Wait hold on
and I want I want to go over and I
want to like pull
the guy whose
town is named after him
but he's an adult so I can't remember.
Magi Bon Jovi
out of the way
of the oncoming
spells. Okay.
Great idea. Hey
do you want to move the other
dude maybe away so they don't blast
each other. Who knows what that'll be like.
Sure yeah yeah yeah yeah.
Yeah that's a great idea.
Okay so let's pull
him.
She's so heavy.
I mean it's perfect.
More upper body strength with Zumba.
You can't just stay in the office all the time.
You can't you need
to. Well I'm pushing papers
you know you're out there adventuring
and doing all the things with your
big big arms
and I'm just sitting there like
oh got to bAlydince the books
oh got to take over the new
competition oh
This seems like an elevator competition.
It does. Okay so
I'm gonna I'll just I'm just gonna
help. Okay just okay.
I got it.
We are doing it together. I'm glad I'm helping
you because otherwise this would be so
difficult for just you.
Absolutely. Just make
sure you use your knees. Yeah I think I
have hernia.
Maybe Moot's crab
claw can fix that.
Well
okay.
I mean how big or small
can you make this thing. Can you make it like magic
school bus size when it shrinks down
and goes inside of a cut.
Push the intestine back up through
the wall. I mean I don't think
I can ant-man it that small.
I'm just curious. I don't know. Okay.
So they have been moved to the side.
I have the plate.
Do we hit the balls?
No put the plate down. I don't think we want to
like ricochet anything. Right now they're gonna
shoot full wood and hit nothing
but wall. We'll just
stay out of the way.
I'm just gonna just go up and twist
the balls. Alright Moot's
go twist the balls. I'm standing off to the
side here. My safe word
is pineapple. Alright quick
countdown to ball twisting.
Three two and one.
Oh what sound effect runs?
Twist those balls.
Oh they
were very twisted.
I really gave it like some force
to it. Well you hit it like a
tether ball.
That's what it was like.
You ducked out of the way. These two balls are
now free from their
torsion. Somewhere in the building
breathes a sigh of relief.
Oh god.
The spells reactivate. The two
wizards lose their bAlydince
and fall to the ground.
They scream and stand up and
begin to move to
fire another spell at each other.
Stop please.
Why? We got rid of the pink goo
so you could just like maybe take
it down. I am
this is the voice
of Magi Bonvai.
Thank you.
That's nice.
This is the voice of Sullivan's Light.
Very nice to meet you.
Yeah you too. This is my arch
nemesis the Inhumanist.
Yes I am the Inhumanist.
Very different from Magi Bonvai.
You don't like humans? Cool.
No. Not
specifically.
Are you not human?
Not exactly.
Did you know that this world is filled with
not humans? Yeah.
Okay. But you don't like humans?
Well just this one specifically.
The Inhumanist. Oh wow.
You have named your whole
persona after your dislike?
This guy? He goes through the
anuses and drops all his garbage
and just leaves it
everywhere.
Is this true Bon Jovi?
Well it's the best way to
get rid of all the failed projects.
You just
remove them. Well but you're removing
them to somewhere else. They don't just
disappear. Yeah they disappear.
I did that for a
while and then
they brought pitchforks and
torches and then I
said okay. Okay.
Slow your roll.
Oh I don't like this guy. I will
allow it to go through a
portal which really
everybody knows is just an anus to another
universe but then they can deal
with it. Well here's a hole you didn't know
you needed. However
it does sound like it's this guy's front yard.
I mean you could just
get like a bag of holding or something?
That only holds so much.
Well pocket
dimension. My dude.
Pocket dimension.
Yeah somebody else's
pockets. I mean you're being a
terrible neighbor.
It's real shitty actually.
I shouldn't have moved you. I could have left you
where you were. You come into
my house and
solve your
problem? Save you?
Yeah. Save you from a problem
of your own creation? And then call
me names?
I want to slap them.
And I want to
use my master's hand wraps.
Now you can read your character sheet.
What do the master's hand wraps do?
That's right. I have a plus two bonus to my
unarmored armor class.
They also add
additional might to my blows. I've got plus
three to attack and damage rules made
with my unarmed strikes.
And the fabric can be used to strike
out at the opponents.
They extend. Yeah like
just snapping a towel in
the locker room. They can also
I can make a single special unarmed strike
against a creature within 30 feet.
And that creature takes additional
martial art die of damage in addition
to the normal damage from the unarmed strike.
And if the creature is large or
smaller
or anywhere in between apparently
you pull the creature up to 10
feet closer to you. Okay do
it. I'm gonna hit him.
I don't think
anything that that's gonna do
is gonna do.
Seven.
That was with your plus
three? Yeah.
And my plus one to attack. But like
he didn't see it coming so maybe. He didn't see
it coming. So it's like
you know when someone has a slap fight.
What are you doing? Well I'm trying to slap
some sense into you but you know what? I've gone through
a lot. It's been an emotional rollercoaster.
Fair enough. Fair enough. You disappeared
for a little bit. It's true I did. Oh.
Very cool. Did you walk
through a portal? No.
Interesting.
Well I
appreciate you coming to my home.
I appreciate you calling me names. I appreciate you
saving my life.
I need it on the last one
but that's okay.
Turning off the pink valve. That was
probably good for the
surrounding community. Everybody doing
okay there. He goes and looks out the windows
and oh there's quite a lot.
And some of them turned cannibals. Yeah.
Yeah if you touch the goo. Dude they were
eating each other. It takes over your body
and then eventually
it saps your life energy
and then becomes you and then
you are now just a pink goo
monster.
And you think you're still the good guy
in this scenario? This was his pink goo
he was releasing into my backyard.
So really it's his problem.
I tried to turn it off
and he was like
lesson learned or some
bullshit like that.
So can you like do the pocket dimension
thing? So I don't throw my garbage
in his backyard? Yes.
It seems to have caused a whole problem.
I'll throw inhumanist.
It's been a pleasure fighting with you. I will
no longer need your front yard
as my disposal
unit for all of my failed
projects. I
will throw
it into a pocket dimension and hope
that that doesn't show up on some
interplanar
monster's doorstep and then come deal
with that. I'm sure these fine folks will come back
and help me with that one too.
Well if it ends up being an angry
unicorn I will not be helping you
with that. No. Wait that's a hard no.
No unicorns. We do have
lines and standards.
Perfect. Alright.
Inhumanist is that? I know
it's not. I mean you got some vengeance
and like if he stops doing it...
Kind of wrecked a whole town. Yeah that was
pretty cool. That was pretty
rad. Getting
some kick backs
there.
Really just sticking it to him.
Sticking it to him. I'm sure he appreciated all those
people paying him taxes.
Gonna have to really work on
that one moving forward for him.
We'll mention it to Queen
Calacrest. I don't know who that
is. I'm from another dimension. Is your
name actually Inhuman? I am the
Inhumanist. Yes
what's your mama called you? No my
mama called me Leonard.
Oh ok well you know what Leonard...
Nice to meet you. So much better. You were
wrecking Leonard's yard.
You're a bad man. Well I didn't
know his name was Leonard. I would have probably
been able to connect with him a little bit more
if he gave me his name. He came in and was like
I am the Inhumanist.
In that exact voice.
Then he started releasing pink goo.
Can't talk to this guy anymore.
It's been a really long night.
Moot disappeared. Yeah I think
Yeah.
And Hillop's still here. I am still
here. How many bad things have
happened? Well let's
talk about on the elevator ride down.
It seems like these fine folks have
cleared up their garbage problems.
Yeah you guys are grown ups. Figure it out.
They can just sling spells
at each other for all we care. Maybe they will
take each other out and then
who knows what will happen after that.
Let's ride the big machine back.
Careful
The big machine will probably try to
kill you. I usually turn it off
but I've been locked in
a time interstitial time status.
Why do you have it?
To protect the village.
That didn't work so great with the pink goo.
Well machines have their limitations.
And it tried to kill us as we tried to
come help the village. Well you
were an intruder to the village and it tried
to kill you. So it was actually doing its job.
This may actually be a problem
also to solve
about the whole like trade in
situation and like the vendors
that tried to come through and
things like that. Have you noticed that
slowed down? It's just something to think about. Anyway
why don't we go back and do our
report because this is not without
it's paperwork and
get that to Queen Caligris.
Tell her I said hello.
I will not.
We fade out on Mooklim and
Sully traveling.
I've not elevated you.
So many important conversations
happening in that elevator.
So you guys did you know that the cosmos
is a pretty big and wild place?
It's starting to flood back to me that I
have all of the information in
the world. Maybe
there's like worlds beyond worlds
beyond worlds and gods that are
gods of gods and then
maybe time streams
are like woven
and interchanged and if you
affect one it shoots
off until one day
it maybe comes back in
a future and collides
and then takes over
and then the people that were
in one maybe merge and
some people stay there.
Dumbgeons and Dragons season
2 episode 134
starring Amy More as Sully,
Carla Max Dead as Glim, Tom Laird
as Moot, and Russ More as your dungeon
master. Editing by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic
Sound, Artlist, and Kavin McCloud
and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers
Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok,
Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden,
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Thank you for listening. Have a great week
We'll talk again soon.
Well he comes into
he goes through the anuses
and then he drops his
all the things. Just
I'm slipping back into hillup.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons
production.